I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
