that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
