why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
