I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Randomize
