I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
