i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
