What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
