i need an iv and a liver transplant
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
