names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
