i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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