i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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