Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
