Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
