dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
