operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
