The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
