do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
