My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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