I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
