i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
