i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just pee around me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
