Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
