I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
