nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
only you would photoshop your dick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
