it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just took my morning after pill in the library
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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