chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
