Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
