Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
