Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
