So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sext me about skeletons
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
