She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
