Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
