What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
