now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
