you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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