you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
