i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
