I got chris browned last night
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
