You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
