Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
