Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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