I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you will always have a special place in my vag
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
