There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
