Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
