she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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