1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
