the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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