sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My vagina is officially offended.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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