I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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