she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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